And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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