Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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