I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize