dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
