Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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