Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
