So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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