i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize