ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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