I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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