I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
