Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
