paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
