Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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