Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
