She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Shame - the story of my life.
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