When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
