How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
