And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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