That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
