U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize