i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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