guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
