i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
