do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my being single is dangerous.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
