Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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