so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
