So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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