It's Friday. Sex?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
