the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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