Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
