I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
