Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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