I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize