She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
