Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
