I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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