no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
