Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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