You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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