Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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