I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
