Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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