I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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