Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
