Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need a beard to bite.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
