In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
