Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
