I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
