Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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