So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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