He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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