i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im part way to drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
