I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
