# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
