My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
