I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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