I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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