dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
