her vagine was all disorganized.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
