using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
