I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
