I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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