If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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