explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize