i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
