How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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