My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
