You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
