So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
