I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
