so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
