he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
