I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm at about main and main street
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
