So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
